Historic Things Agency to Join in Promoting New Projects

"Think Particleboard," says director.  "Everyone was opposed to it for a long time, but now that it's been around for 50 years, IT QUALIFIES!!  We can do anything we want!"

Plans include sticking parts of old demolished homes in cute places amidst the nooks and crannies of the new mall, the toll-booths on the new Sixth-Seventh Avenue thruway, and the concrete monstrosity of Lafayette Park Drainage Control SuperStructure.

"As long as we continue to get funding and have our jobs, we'll do whatever it takes.  So what if a little history gets mixed up as we go down the road.  That's what makes life interesting."

"It'll all be OLD in another fifty years, and so it'll be praised to high heaven as being Vernacular to the time period.  So, in essence, we're creating history as we speak, aren't we?"

"Circa-2010" to be theme for wild changes occuring in the historical things world of Lafayette Park.  (editor note: circa is a technical, term used by historians to mean "about that time".  It is used a lot, because they never know when something really happened and this makes them seem smart anyway). (READ MORE...)

LAFAYETTE PARK MALL PROPOSED!

 CITY APPROVES SITE PLAN AT OLD SCHOOL SITES.

Tribute To Our City Leaders....We Thank You For Listening!

Finally, after years of lobbying, the FRIENDS OF LAFAYETTE PARK group declare a victory in their ongoing struggle to obtain great shopping within walking distance of home.  In late-breaking news, the last hurdle to approval for a massive three-story mall was passed, when the school board unanimously accepted gazillions of dollars or thereabouts for the property on Miccosukee Road which will soon be known as the "Former Cobb and Kate Sullivan Schools Mall."

In the unique agreement, the schools will occupy the top floor of the huge mall, with a playground and parking garage on the top.  

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Elevated Access Road Needed For School Drop-Offs per PTO spokesperson.

"How else we gonna get up dere?", ask one granny in a large black Escalade..."I bring my chile from outta da districk and that's enough fo' me to do. I ain't climbing no stairs."

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City to Look Into Pot O' Money Stimulus Funds for 4-Story School Access.
A representative from the City Attorney's office said, "This is do-able...we can re-define "Shovel Ready" to mean whatever it takes to get a check from Uncle Sam, and build the school ramp later.  That's why we're City Attorneys!!  That's what we do, silly!!"
(READ MORE...)

Sixth & Seventh Avenues to Merge

Eight-lane Thruway to have beautiful, landscaped median with unique pink azaleas.

Old houses to be relocated to somewhere else, if they don't fall apart
  
Photo archive to be made in memory of what "used to be", in deferrence to Historic Preservationists' unreasonable cries of alarm.

"This roadway is vitally needed," declares City Commissioner and a city planner.  "When this road is fully expanded," the commissioner continued, "there will be so many auto accidents from going 80 miles-per-hour through town, we'll need the road to provide access to the Emergency Room!"

A toll booth is planned across each end of the new thruway to help pay for it.

When irate tree huggers claimed that several Grandfather Oaks were in the path of the new road, planners deferred to the need for compromise, and left one lane of the new road for the trees.  "This will help justify the cost of the road, as accidents will increase dramatically by leaving these trees in the turn lanes."

(READ MORE...)

U S ARMY Corps of Engineers to assist in flood-control project for Lafayette Park

STIMULUS FUND PROJECT GETS TRUCKLOADS OF MONEY

"Wait until you see this!", declares Commander of SE Regional Battalion  "We plan to put more concrete here than anyone has seen in one place anywhere in the Southeast in over fifty years."

The project, in the early stages of conceptual design until yesterday, received a 16-cubic yard dumptruck of Stimulus funds early this morning, and will join the  list of "shovel-ready" projects to start construction within 72 hours.  

"This will put people to work.  Lots of people!"  

One possible hindrance to the project did not materialize when the neighborhood tree-huggers failed to show up at the 10-minute window of  opportunity during dedication, as they were over on Seventh Avenue declaring trees to be "Grandfather" or Grandmother" to a confused crowd of road builder types.(READ MORE...)

The emperor, eating another box of fruitcake, was giving consideration to another declaration of representation to the city regarding the entire downflow basin. However, no one was paying attention .

70% versus 70%?? 
Candidates Frost and TeeMike both addressed electioneering commissioners with boxes of ballots in hand, today, in what can only be described as a dog-gone conundrum, with spectators howling and barking like mad.  Mr. Frost declared himself the winner by a landslide, but refused to fetch the ballots or who voted.  A publicly-certified ballot was declared to be invalid, due to yesterday's news articles, which showed apparently deceased cats in plain view, thereby "tainting" the results, since many voters might have thought they were voting for a cat hunter.

Mr. Frost's supporters were clearly hot under the collar, while TeeMike's growled and showed they were ticked off while several pointed accusingly.  Many of the election's watchers said this episode marked new territory in the history of elections.  All the hounding of the commissioners abruptly ended, and both candidates were brought to a heel at the announcement of the abeyance.  Mr. Mike said it was not over, as he felt the vote decider should be in the doghouse, and promised to sniff out the truth, and was going to track down some leads the very next day, as soon as he rested his dogs, as he had been standing all afternoon waiting for the results.

by Mark D...ace newshound